I was explaining my situation to a couple of friends last night. They were surprised at how horrible my life situation is. It is worse than anything they have ever dealt with. I would recount examples, but that will only make me feel worse.
I have had enough of this bunch of losers. My parents have had 31 years to teach my brother to be an adult. They have failed. My parents have no plan for my grandma. I made a simple suggestion to them months ago and they have not done anything.
I never signed up to be a babysitter for my brother or grandma. However, here I am watching over them while my parents are in Las Vegas and I have a final and written report due on Tuesday. I am not going to spend the next few years of my life doing the work they have chosen to not do. I will help take care of my grandma, but I am not going to do my part and the rest of my family's part. I do not want to be selfish. However, I should not waste my time helping people who are not willing to work themselves.
I do not have enough time in my life for people who waste their lives. I am trying to get my life on track. I am trying to get into graduate school, I am trying to make new friends, I am trying to learn skills that will help me get a career track job, I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, I am trying to get a girlfriend, I am trying to improve my health with exercise and by eating better, I am trying to make the most of my life before I die.
My parents are giving me a place to stay and money to do things. The price for this is dealing with a dad who has abdicated his responsibilities as father and head of household, caring for a mom who is physically disabled who no one seems to listen to, dealing with a brother who thinks the family exists to serve him and does not understand how to effectively help around the house, and a 94 year old grandma who cannot remember a conservation from 3 minutes earlier and holds my mom or me personally responsible for the condition of the house that my dad and brother do not clean.
The food my dad makes is unhealthy. If I keep eating it I will end up obese, looking terrible, and have health complications, just like him. I am already two thirds of the way there. In the last six months I have gained ten pounds. I look fat in a lot of my shirts.
Is this money worth the effect on my happiness and health? No.
The day I can move out and be reasonably sure I can support myself financially will be one of the happiest days of my life.
When I was a child, my parents were great. I am afraid if I spend much more time around them their failures over the last few years will destroy all the good impressions I have of them from when I was younger. As it is, I am embarrassed to bring any of my friends to their house. The last time someone was visiting we were out of toilet paper. The glasses in the kitchen look dirty even after they come out of the dishwasher. Many of the chairs in the kitchen are broken. The kitchen sink leaks water. The front door latch is broken. Things are cleaned infrequently if ever.
I do not want to do anything with my dad and brother. I actively avoid going to mass with them. I dislike spending holidays with them. Trips with them are infuriating for me. I do not want to share my life with them, probably because I want nothing to do with their lives. I don't like the choices they are making in their lives. I don't like how my dad is dealing with (or ignoring) the problems around him. I don't like how he handles his relationships with friends, family, and neighbors. I don't like my brother's complete lack of critical thinking. I don't like the excuses he makes. I don't like their laziness or habitual tardiness. I don't like the low goals they set for themselves. What they do with their lives is their business, but I do not have to be with them.
It is hard to get certain images out of my mind. Like the time my 90+ year old grandma who was a guest in our house was doing laundry. My dad and brother just sat there in the room next to her. They did not try to help fold the laundry. When my grandma needed help, she walked down the hall to ask me, not my dad or brother who were right there. This shows how little confidence she has in them to help her. There are some times my mom needs help in the other room. Instead of calling her husband (who is sitting on his ass staring at the computer or taking a nap), she calls me to help her.
I want to leave because my dad and brother are failing to take responsibility for taking care of my mom, grandma, and their house. A lot of this work has to be done by me or not at all. However, if I leave it will be my mom and grandma who will suffer.
After all of this, what are my choices?
- Move out ASAP with the money I have saved and figure out a job after that.
- Pick a date (maybe August 1st) to move out and plan some things out before then.
- Spend as little time as possible at home. Be at the library, school, coffee shops, or my volunteer job whenever possible.
- Write my dad a letter saying I am disappointing with him and suggest he make some life changes.
- Stay as long as my grandma is staying with us so at least one person will be there for her.
- Do nothing and have a horrible life.
What do you think I should do? If you have any ideas let me know. Since I am in the middle of this situation it is hard to evaluate things objectively.