Recently there was some news about one of my friends.
He did something that almost everyone he knows will eventually see the effects of. However, he is not telling the truth about it. He is spreading a lie to cover the truth. When I asked him why he was not telling everyone the truth, he said the actual facts of the matter were a "juicy piece of gossip" people would love to get their hands on. I was too shocked by this answer to give a reply.
I will now explain a fundamental truth of how gossip works. Gossip is popular because it claims to offer a glimpse into a truth of someone's life that he is trying to cover up. If a person publicly tells everyone a piece of news about himself, it is not gossip; it is a statement of fact. Half the excitement of gossip is its secretive nature. If you want to prevent or stop gossip about yourself, explain the truth to everyone and answer their questions.
In this example, by concealing the truth and spreading a lie my friend is making the truth a piece of gossip.
Now why was this friend covering the truth? He did not break any laws nor did he do anything morally questionable. He did something he considers embarrassing. To be honest, if I did what he did I would be semi-embarrassed. However, I would consider the choices I made to get into that situation to be at least as bad as what I eventually did.
Now a couple of months later my friend is doing it again on a completely different matter. He is spreading a lie to cover the truth. He wants to lie to his friends and family about something I see no shame in. In fact, if it was me I would have written a blog post about what happened.
There is a good chance the truth will eventually come out. When it does the effect of the lies and damaged relationships might be greater then the response to the original news itself.
One phrase I hear thrown around a lot is "I will support you in anything you do." A better phrase is "I will support you and help you make the best decisions." People do not need to be told they are right all the time. They need to be corrected when they take wrong turns.
I think I failed this friend.
"One phrase I hear thrown around a lot is 'I will support you in anything you do.' A better phrase is 'I will support you and help you make the best decisions.' People do not need to be told they are right all the time. They need to be corrected when they take wrong turns."
ReplyDeleteVERY true. Well said.